Funny One Liners

Posted by; manan kothari


Ø When I was born, I was so surprised
I didn't Talk for a year and a half.



Ø Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people,
and kill them.



Ø Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'



Ø I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be
there when it happens.



Ø Always and never are two words you should always
remember never to use.



Ø I've never been drunk, but often
I've been over served.



Ø The road to success is always under construction.



Ø I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!



Ø Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.



Ø Work is fine if it doesn't take up
too much of your time.



Ø When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.



Ø Born free; Taxed to death.



Ø Everyone has a photographic memory;
some people just don't have film.



Ø Life is unsure; always eat
your dessert first.



Ø Smile -- it makes people wonder
what you're up to.



Ø I love being a writer... What I can't
stand is the paperwork.



Ø A printer consists of 3 main parts: the
case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light.



Ø The hardest part of skating is the ice.



Ø The guy who invented the first wheel was
an idiot; the guy who invented
the other three, he was the genius.



Ø The trouble with being punc tual is
that there's no one there to
appreciate it.



Ø If our constitution allows us free speech,
why are there phone bills?



Ø If you tell a man there are 300
billion stars in the universe, he'll
believe you. But if you tell him a
park bench has just been painted, he has
to touch it to be sure.



Ø Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!



Ø If you can't convince them, confuse them.



Ø It's not the fall that kills you;
it's the sudden stop at the end.



Ø I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.



Ø Hot glass looks same as cold glass.
(Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers)



Ø Someday is not a day of the wee